she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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