Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
