today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
