so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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