i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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