i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
