So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
