I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
