Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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