we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize