i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
