SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize