I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
