If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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