Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
