Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
