You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
