and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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