If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
