so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
