you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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