My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
