I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
