omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
