i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Pappa wants mamma naked
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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