I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
