Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
