I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
