highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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