Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
