wrigley field is MILF paradise
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
