planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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