i just wanna soil my oats bro
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
