i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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