I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize