My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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