did you get engaged???
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
