I think I am morally bankrupt
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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