I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
This toilet bowl is my home.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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