She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
