i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
