I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
