Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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