We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
