It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
