All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
