Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
