is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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