that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
