Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
