He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
