Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
