3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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