just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
