you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
