my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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