Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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