All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
