you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize