we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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