I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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