I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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