So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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