are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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