I accidentally burped into my bong.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm both gender and math confused
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
